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Is your new bae a suitable accountability partner?

If you’re reading this then you have some doubts he, she, they, his, her, etc. are suitable accountability partners. Here are some ways to find out!

Cuffing season is afoot! Newly engaged couples, newly married ones, all the way to the “I might have a crush" clan are making their way on our TL. If you’re romantic like me, you are loving it; if you haven’t seen so and so like your post about your new bae, then well you’ve been blocked but good luck on your nuptials! While we get into these new and exciting stages of our lives, (while still growing as individuals) you must wonder whether this is the right accountability partner to pursue or if you should throw your hook back into the sea. And if they can’t, then what?

Many people consider themselves quite independent, albeit true, it is also worth it for those people to consider having someone to depend on, especially when times are rough. I mean, ultimately, that’s why we date and get married. Having a secure shoulder to lean on, while we seek to know growth with ourselves, as well as with one another. An accountability partner, however, is all of the logistics minus the emotions and sex.

An AP is by definition someone who is meant to keep you accountable in your journey toward success. This kind of success is not solely defined by monetary means but physical, spiritual, professional, academic ones, etc. You may trust your partner to deliver in the bedroom but can they also deliver outside of it? I mean you wouldn’t trust someone who doesn’t work out to tell you that you should, right?

Before you go and recruit him or her as your accountability partner, ask yourself these simple questions, to help you answer the big question. And if you decide that’s just bae then that’s fine, chill and don’t worry, I got some tips for that too!

Does he/she understand your goals and priorities?

Your goals are just as important in a relationship as it is outside of one. There are times when a compromise may be in order, but how much of those goals do they understand one way or another, you must and plan to meet? And how do they plan on being part of the solution instead of your personal enabler? In many relationships, some partners require whatever goals their loved ones have to be put on hold and sometimes tossed out all together. As I always say in the power room, how important are those goals to you? Are you willing to have your journey toward success delayed or canceled altogether if not…

Are they a hater or motivator?

It might be hard to admit that your partner is low-key more of a hater than a member of your team. But disregarding those signs only hurts you in the long run. Yes, accountability partners are not personal cheerleaders. However, we can all agree that even coaches slap their players on the ass sometimes, as they should for you too.

Have they even asked you what your goals are?

This is just simple math. If they don’t know how can they help? Communication is key in any relationship, especially one between two APs. Both parties must openly discuss their goals with one another in order to understand their role in it. Remember communication is key.

Does he or she keep themselves accountable?

As they say, you can’t help someone who does not want to be helped. Otherwise, you end up being that person who nags. Before signing up for this role, on both ends, make sure that your partner is equally motivated to accomplish their goals as you are. If they really aren’t, it may alter your confidence and motivation to accomplish your own goals. And as you know that’s not on power moves!

How honest can you both be without destroying the romantic nature of the relationship?

Relationships are hard enough, being vulnerable is even harder. Separately you are individuals who make mistakes. While your accountability partner may understand your struggles and strategize with you, without you feeling ashamed, can your romantic partner do the same without seeing you differently? Being disappointed by one’s actions happens when people are involved romantically. However, if the disappointment turns to blatant romantic disapproval then maybe boundaries need to be set. Spending more time on fostering that aspect of the relationship might be more productive for both of your sake.

So after all of those questions have been answered, what if they can’t be your trusted AP? The good news is although it would be preferred, they don’t technically have to be. Yes, your partner is in a sense here to help you keep yourself accountable and be a trusted ally on your journey. But if they aren’t, it does not mean that you love them or like like them any less. An accountability partner knows your goals and helps you navigate your journey towards them. Your partner may like or love you too much to be to be that AP and separate their feelings for you in it. Or simply not as invested in you meeting those goals. Either way, you can and should meet them. No hard feelings. No one said you couldn’t get an AP outside of your relationship!

Are you in a relationship with your accountability partner? Tell me how you separate the two? Let me know in the subscription box, how do you feel about your partner not being a suitable AP? Or DM @powerroommag on Instagram about it!

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Do It For Yourself (Guided Journal): A Motivational Journal