Updated: Aug 1, 2020
Answering Life Coaching, Self-care, Quarantine Sanity, and Goal Setting Questions You’re Too Afraid to Ask.
Let’s face it! With unemployment rates going up every single day and corona virus cases blocking our bday plans this year, we women are in dire need of pep-talk/self-care time with our girls. Like, what’s all this talk about life coaching and without a stable income, how can I afford one? Anxiety about the future makes us totally insane at times, except if you’re a Karen, which means you were probably born insane (sorry not sorry.) You may also be thinking like I was, should I start working for myself and how can I make some extra income during this time? And self-care? How do I make time for that?
I sat down for a Zoom meeting with Life Coach, Behavior Analyst Choreographer, and activist, Khaja J., to address these concerns. Khaja J. stepped into the Power Room and here’s what we discussed:
For those of us who may not know, who is The Khaja J.?
Khaja: Actually consider her multiple alter egos if you will. There’s the Khaja J that’s the life coach so she is the one whose sole purpose is to bring others to their purposes. I love her very much! The other Khaja J. is also one of my favorites, she’s a choreographer and I love her as well. She started out as a dancer, and now she works with artists and owns a dance company. She also teach open dance classes and empowerment trough movement and developing a natural sense of self.
Tell us about “ A more Positive You” and what inspired you to do it?
Khaja: I am a behavior analyst as well, however, there was one day where I was working with my clients and I loved it still and everything was working out but I was like there’s something else, there’s something more. I’m still making changes but I feel like I can do that on a grander scale
You set the course and you set the pace and everyone else will eventually follow.
What assumptions do people make about what having a life coach is like?
Khaja: So many assumptions! People are under the impression that life coaches are just here to talk to you about your life, which they do. Some people see them as just a highly opinionated human being that you pay for. Which is not necessarily the case. They also make the assumption that life coaches charge you for nothing.Yes, they think they have the experience but I [ those who assume] can just get out and get the experience myself.
In “My Broke Friend Has a Life Coach” we discussed the cost of a life coach for someone of a lower tax bracket than Bill Gates and Oprah. How do you justify the charge for college students like myself who can benefit from it but can’t afford it? Would you say having a life coach is necessary?
Khaja: I do say it’s necessary. I think everyone on this planet should have a credible, knowledgeable life coach. Because it takes someone who is on the outside sometimes to see the holes that you wouldn’t normally.
For college students such as yourself, there are two things that we’re battling. We’re battling pockets! They’re looking at their bank accounts and thinking “ no I don’t need this” regardless of if they’re thinking about it or not. The second is the paradigm. In our time it is not validated to have a life coach or a therapist because that would be an extra expense. So I have to battle them both. I might drop my prices so that I can change that paradigm and change the thought process of " I don’t need it cause I can’t afford it." YOU. YOU.You might need it, but you may not be able to afford it right now. That’s fine I want to help you through that.
And how do you explain what it truly is to those people?
Khaja: Every life coach is different. Life coaches specialize, so one life coach can specialize in healing, or in finance, relationships, manifestation, spirituality. There are a million sectors and every life coach can determine what they want to coach in. I can be a life coach in fruits if I wanted to be. You do want to do your research, you would want a life coach that does have a certification to be a credible life coach or credible experiences. Cause anyone can just say they are.
How do you explain the shift in the culture where it seems like more people are open to having a life coach and practicing self-care?
Khaja: I love these conversations. Generations before us were not doing these things, they were in the field and offices, grinding. And self-care was not a conversation cause who cares about that when you have bills and you have children to feed. In these conversations, we have to remember to have compassion, community, unity, reflection and love.
During quarantine, a lot of people are experiencing anxiety about not having a job. In your expert opinion what is the best way to suppress or get rid of that anxiety and stay sane?
Khaja: I would say let’s NOT get rid of them. Let’s embrace them. Let’s sit in it. Stop what you’re doing and sit, Why are you anxious? Maybe it’s COVID-19, are there other things? Because Rona is above us right now but maybe there's something else. Natural disasters and trying circumstances highlight emotions that already reside within us.It's not that it wasn't always there, now it just amplifies them.
Besides anxiety, people like myself have found it extremely harder to work on their goals, what are your top tips for staying on track as 2020 and quarantine continues?
Khaja: Sit in it, figure it out, put the goals down for a moment. Let’s heal first so that our goals are not getting bulldozed over. Or so we don’t feel like we have to meet our goals every single day and that carries us to a point of no return. Let’s heal first! Let’s do some healing activities.
I wanted to include a file where you guys would be able to do the activity, however, I encourage everyone to go out and buy a journal of some sort where this activity can be done. t’s healing lies and healing truth. 100 lies and 100 truths. Lies that you’ve been told and believed about yourself. For every lie you write these truths to counter the lies. For example:
I need someone else to be happy
I'm not enough
My skin isn't beautiful
I 'm too [fill in the blank]
I can't be [blank]
I don't need someone else to be happy
I am happy by myself
I am beautiful
If you’re anxious and stressed out, that might be why. Unresolved feelings, emotions, events that are still holding on to your spirit that you have to relieve and come to peace with.
Many are graduating right now or have graduated, with the unemployment rates rising every day, do you have any tips for managing money during this time and how to bring in extra income?
Khaja: Everyone should have a savings account, retirement account, and then a checking account. I encourage college students to start all 3 of these things whether they have a job or not. Not to wait for a job to start thinking about retirement, it should start immediately. Re-up on the definition of passive and residual income and to find multiple forms of such so that even during this Corona time, you’re researching and building, if you so choose.
So you’re an activist, life coach, choreographer, creative director and you model occasionally, wow! How do you balance self-care along with your multitude of careers?
Khaja: Sometimes I find myself having to be very structured and organized because otherwise, I might easily forget. It can get very cloudy so I have a very timed schedule I use O.C.D, which stands for “obviously, calendar, duh!” and S.E.D which is “ state it, envision it and it’s done” and I live my life by these two acronyms as a life coach. HOWEVER, I leave free spaces in my days for the self-love I deserve. I’ve implemented that into every aspect of my life and every career that I live in. Trough those boundaries and scheduling and by sometimes leaving moments open to not schedule anything at all I’m able to be successful. YOU Matter first and that’s your priority.
Lastly, shameless Plug Tell us where we can find you on and off-line!
You can find me On Instagram @amorepositive_you as a life coach, I suggest everybody go get the tools, get the knowledge, reach out to me there. As part of A More Positive You series, I also have a podcast that airs on Spotify, you can find me there!
Spotify: A More Positive You Series
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